Parents as Partners Episode #15 November 17, 2008

Post-Show description: 

Vanessa Van Petten is an author and entrepreneur that Vanessa gave tips and advice for parents.She talked about how to get parents online for the first time and described kid's Internet lives form their perspective.

You can find Vanessa at

Vanessa Van Petten was the guest of this episode of Parents as Partners.

Vanessa's mission is "to improve parent-teen relationships by providing them with new perspectives, stories and neutral places to communicate." She believes "this will help families instill values and build strong relationships that promote healthy attitudes and lifestyle behaviors in this generation of young adults". Vanessa strives to provide positive role models for young people.

Vanessa shares widely through her website Her work includes her writing – in books, in her blog and others' and in magazines. She mentors teens and connects them with other mentors outside her home base in Los Angeles. She is an accomplished speaker, both in person and online. And all this from a woman still in her early 20's.

Vanessa's latest book is The Dirt E-Secrets of an Internet Kid. Once again she has written for parents describing kids' internet lives from their perspectives. On the show she talked about how to get parents online for the first time and described kid's Internet lives form their perspective.

Watch her video.

Chat Log



20:48:37 jenwills -> hello Peggy are you here for the Vanessa Van Petten webcast?
20:49:27 PeggyG -> Hi - yes I am :-) we're just a bit early and I don't hear the stream yet. I'm sure they're getting set up :-) 
20:50:13 jenwills -> k this is my first time doing this
20:50:28 PeggyG -> do you know how to get the audio?
20:50:35 jenwills -> no
20:51:05 PeggyG -> click on one of the icons for EdTechTalk-A. I use the first one and it opens in iTunes.
20:51:59 matt montagne -> hi everyone!
20:51:59 PeggyG -> welcome to the webcast! It's always great to have new listeners :-)
20:52:06 PeggyG -> Hi Matt
20:52:08 matt montagne -> we'll b streaming live in about 8 minutes
20:52:11 jenwills -> hello
20:52:16 matt montagne -> on edtechtalk A
20:52:30 PeggyG -> great. thanks!
20:52:47 jenwills -> where would i find the icon?
20:52:51 Scott Shelhart -> Hi all.  I'll be away until the start.  Got to catch up on some work.
20:53:07 PeggyG -> in the upper right corner of the screen "Audio Stream"
20:53:35 PeggyG -> it says currently not streaming but you can go ahead and click on the icon and when the stream starts you hear it.
20:56:33 cindy seibel -> Hi folks. We'll get started shortly!
20:57:10 PeggyG -> Hi Cindy-no problem. 
20:57:16 matt montagne -> we'll b starting here in a few minutes...
20:57:47 PeggyG -> welcome back jenwills :-) can you find the icon for the audio?
20:58:09 jenwills -> i think i did i heard it say welcome
20:58:30 jenwills -> im not the most computer savvy person,lol
20:59:17 PeggyG -> no problem jenwills-just ask questions if you need help. The stream has started to come through for me now.
20:59:30 jenwills -> thank u
20:59:34 jenwills -> hello Lorna
20:59:41 matt montagne -> 60 seconds
20:59:45 Lorna -> Hi jennifer
20:59:56 PeggyG -> Hi Lorna--great to hear you :-)
21:00:57 PeggyG -> @jenwills-how did you hear about the Parents As Partners show?
21:01:09 jenwills -> I recieved an email from Lorna
21:01:11 matt montagne -> Hello JazzyJsMom...welcome!
21:01:12 PeggyG -> audio is back :-)
21:01:22 JazzyJsMom -> thanks Matt
21:03:00 cindy seibel -> I'm also known as Cyd when both Cindy Zautcke and I are online
21:03:20 PeggyG -> @jenwills-are you hearing the audio now?
21:03:38 jenwills -> yes thank u very much:) 
21:03:47 PeggyG -> great!
21:03:49 matt montagne -> sorry bout that y'all!
21:04:19 matt montagne -> Hey Maria!
21:04:25 Maria -> Hi
21:04:34 matt montagne -> welcome to parents as partners with Vanessa Van Petten
21:04:47 Maria -> Thank you...All new to me
21:04:58 jenwills -> me too Maria don't feel bad:)
21:05:52 PeggyG -> Really excited to hear from Vanessa re teens and parents :-)
21:06:25 jenwills -> this is great
21:06:29 matt montagne ->  Vanessa's Website
21:07:26 matt montagne -> Hi Jeannine...welcome to parents as partners!
21:07:53 matt montagne -> We have Vanessa Van Petten on 2nite and we're talking about youth and social networking...
21:08:39 jeannine -> Hi Matt, hi everyone...I'm late, glad things are just getting underway
21:08:41 PeggyG -> checklists :-) What a great sense of humor!
21:08:44 jenwills -> awesome diversity
21:08:51 matt montagne -> The Dirt E-Secrets of an Internet Kid:
21:09:26 matt montagne -> glad u could make it to PAP Jeannine...
21:10:04 PeggyG -> I can't wait to read her book! :-)
21:10:40 jenwills -> definitely a need for more advice when it comes to teens in this day and age
21:11:13 PeggyG -> false security blanket--much like filters! great point!
21:11:48 matt montagne -> she definitely makes a great point, Peggy...that is for certain. 
21:12:07 PeggyG -> what great advice!! monitor AND talk!
21:12:17 jenwills -> can never be too careful when it comes to internet safety for children
21:12:38 penny -> filters are never 100%
21:13:12 matt montagne -> software filters simply don't know all the proxy sites anyway... 
21:13:32 jenwills -> most kids know more than their parents as far as being computer literate
21:13:54 PeggyG -> what a cool mom!
21:13:56 Maria -> so true Jen
21:14:43 jenwills -> pick and choose your times to address issues with your children
21:14:50 PeggyG -> I have my grandkids on Facebook and I worry sometimes about what they may post :-)
21:15:06 jenwills -> facebook causes alot of problems
21:15:12 penny -> had this discussion with a group of parents the other day
21:15:28 penny -> they were worried about the pics that were being put up of themselves by others
21:15:45 penny -> it was a great learning them for them to then learn and be able to help their kids later
21:15:51 jenwills -> and facebooks security has been under scrutiny
21:15:57 matt montagne -> my nephew uses it for mostly great things, and occasionally he says something I have a conversation with him when he says these stupic things...
21:16:18 jenwills -> exactly...
21:16:44 matt montagne -> I love Facebook...I've re-connected with friends and relatives that I haven't talked to in has been so great for this kind of stuff.
21:16:52 jenwills -> kids don't realize but police take facebook threats very seriously
21:16:57 jenwills -> I love facebook too
21:17:00 penny -> we have made a pact btwn moms that when we let our kids on facebook we will all friend them and watch out for them the same we that we do on the schoolyard
21:17:17 jenwills -> good idea!
21:17:32 Maria -> I just let my 15 year old have facebook but I also have his login and password and can monitor it.  He's fine with me checking out his facebook too
21:17:33 matt montagne -> I think that once more adults start using these platforsms we'll all b able to mentor kids more effectively...
21:17:36 penny -> first one went on last week..
21:18:04 matt montagne -> right now we're just shooting from the hip and trying to mentor them based upon what we think we know and what we read in the media (which is mostly bad)
21:18:23 jenwills -> its becoming apparent that we need to inform parents more without making them unintentionally feel "stupid" about these social networking sites
21:19:49 PeggyG -> That's really interesting! I wouldn't have guessed that as the most asked question.
21:19:51 matt montagne -> good point jenwills...definitely agree w/that
21:19:55 jenwills -> my Aunt brought up a good point today...taking the tragedy of Brandon Crisp and using it to address internet and video games 
21:20:48 penny -> why would kids when I was young want to go to the mall?
21:21:01 penny -> in the 50's -- sit in the soda shoppe?
21:21:11 matt montagne -> wow...I'm blushing...I'm the only guy in this talk!!!
21:21:37 jenwills -> lol
21:22:35 PeggyG -> Was that a girls only group? That was a first for me :-)
21:22:52 jenwills -> it is an essential part of kids lives today
21:23:03 Lorna -> yes to girl's group
21:23:22 PeggyG -> what would they have done if a boy wanted to join the group?
21:23:29 Lorna -> hmmm
21:23:44 jenwills -> would a boy really want to lol
21:24:01 matt montagne -> @jen...I doubt it !!!!
21:24:12 JazzyJsMom -> the hormonally driven boy would want to know when
21:24:29 penny -> it's funny -- sometimes those reconnects are a one time connect and then some rekindle new long lasting friendships
21:24:43 matt montagne -> well, Chris just left the room after that last story!! 
21:25:14 jenwills -> what about internet addictions?
21:25:35 matt montagne -> A park as a metaphor for the web...I like that...
21:25:50 PeggyG -> a wonderful analogy!
21:25:52 jenwills -> very accurate
21:26:42 matt montagne -> @jenwillis...yes, Internet addictions are something we need to learn more is all about balance and moderation
21:26:50 jenwills -> agreed
21:27:40 penny -> addiction is a tricky concept -- be careful with the world -- as a pharmacist I have to explain the subtlties of addiction often and I don't like the broad use of the word
21:28:04 matt montagne -> Hello LangLabCindy...welcome to Parents as Partners
21:28:28 matt montagne -> we're midway thru a gr8 conversation with Vanessa Van Petten...talking about teens and social networking
21:29:09 matt montagne -> Hey VinnieVrotny...welcome to Parents as Partners...
21:29:14 LangLabCindy -> @matt thanks - still working on getting sound from this end
21:29:20 matt montagne -> we're midway thru a talk with Vanessa Van Petten...
21:29:22 PeggyG -> habit vs addition?? is there a difference?
21:29:28 jenwills -> learning face to face communication so many of todays youth are lacking these skills which therefore contributes to lack of conflict resolution tactics
21:29:32 matt montagne -> is the stream wonky Vinne??
21:29:45 penny -> @peggyg there is a huge a difference btwn habituation and addiction
21:29:51 VinnieVrotny -> Hey there Matt. in for just a few minutes.
21:30:05 VinnieVrotny -> using iTunes stream and seems ok now
21:30:18 PeggyG -> I'd like to hear more about that difference.
21:30:23 jenwills -> Penny is there a definition in the dsm yet?
21:30:35 matt montagne -> I think these social netowkring tools when used effectively help strengthen relationships...
21:30:48 penny -> @jenwills -- that is what I am scared of -- then we will be medicating people for it as wel
21:30:55 JazzyJsMom -> we created an AUP with agreed upon rules and consequences by both parties
21:30:57 jenwills -> true true
21:31:20 JazzyJsMom -> It stayed next to the monitor so daughter's friends knew the rules too
21:31:32 matt montagne ->, that is something I never considered...we'll create a new syndrome/condition and then start medicating for it...SCARY
21:31:34 penny -> @peggyg I'll pull up some good definitions for you -- took a good course in University that had a good section of the course devoted to that
21:31:34 jeannine -> My recent experience with young people has shown them to be quite good with F2F...they seem so much more communicative than in my day.  I quite enjoy the fact they feel able to speak up and speak out.
21:31:46 matt montagne -> Hi snickers...welcome to Parents as Partners...
21:31:46 JazzyJsMom -> but my military side still installed a network but verify
21:32:12 LangLabCindy -> @JazzysMom - good idea on the AUP and having it easily viewed by friends
21:32:22 matt montagne -> Hi Frank2...welcome to Parents as Partners...
21:32:26 jenwills -> i wonder what a treatment plan for internet addiction would look like
21:32:30 PeggyG -> learning the rules of the new playground-excellent
21:32:40 LangLabCindy -> like the playground analogy
21:33:17 jenwills -> good analogy its not like the internet is ever going to go away
21:34:01 penny -> @jenwills if the drug companies have anything to do with it -- it will be a pill once a day! ;-)
21:34:13 matt montagne -> Hello Connie howe...welcome and thank you for joining us
21:34:13 jenwills -> true Penny true
21:34:35 jenwills -> i like the aup idea
21:34:39 matt montagne -> we're midway through a conversation with Vanessa Van Petten who is speaking with us about teens and social networking...
21:34:54 penny -> @matt -- this is so true -- I am finding that I am getting closer to the other parents in my area that are on FB
21:35:07 LangLabCindy -> @matt - thanks from someone who showed up late!
21:35:18 penny -> just bcs I have glimpses into their life I woulnd't have otherwise due to the time contraints of being a parent
21:35:42 jenwills -> and its a great way to communicate with alot of other parents at once!
21:35:51 connie howe-buckler -> I am beginning a program in our board that is parent driven
21:36:12 connie howe-buckler -> it is called Making Tracks and directed at the parent and teen audience
21:36:12 jenwills -> @Connie what kind of program?
21:36:21 jenwills -> very interesting
21:36:27 PeggyG -> very helpful example of the kitting group as way to connect with people who share common interests :-)
21:36:28 Lorna -> @Connie where are you from?
21:36:44 connie howe-buckler -> it will bring the schools, community services and parent audience together in one place to deal with pertinent teen issues
21:37:13 jenwills -> great idea!
21:37:22 connie howe-buckler -> from the Greater Essex Board in Windsor
21:37:26 matt montagne -> u have a link/URL for that resource?? sounds great
21:37:47 connie howe-buckler -> just a brainchild brought to our Director and supported
21:37:50 jenwills -> ive seen it alot too
21:37:51 matt montagne -> @connie...I grew up across the river from u! 
21:37:51 penny -> esp in a small town it is so important for kids to be able to have outside connections -- can feel so isolated if your "interests" do not match the norm
21:38:03 connie howe-buckler -> First rail will be driven in February
21:38:39 PeggyG -> that's great advice for everyone--never send an IM or email in anger--wait
21:38:52 jenwills -> thats awesome Connie good luck with that I would love to know how it went 
21:39:09 JazzyJsMom -> best advice Don't freak out
21:39:10 jenwills -> kind of like going to bed angry,:)
21:39:33 connie howe-buckler -> will let you know and if it is successful I will work on the development of a URL and plan to share
21:39:39 jenwills -> thank u!
21:39:52 matt montagne -> sounds really interesting connie...keep us posted...
21:40:17 LangLabCindy -> i'm interested, too, Connie and hope to hear more soon!
21:40:34 PeggyG -> thinking out loud--modeling behavior--excellent advice!
21:40:37 Lorna -> that advice goes for adults 
21:40:42 Lorna -> having a time out
21:40:49 jenwills -> very true Lorna
21:41:08 LangLabCindy -> great idea for modeling!
21:43:05 penny -> that is too true -- it's like putting up a sticker on your window that you have an alarm system even if you don't
21:43:19 penny -> still deters thefts
21:43:23 PeggyG -> do those monitoring tools only work on your home computers or can you monitor your teens when they are online in someone elses's home?
21:43:30 jeannine -> I think telling them you are doing it is very important...protect the trust
21:43:54 jenwills -> yes I agree Jeannine don't break trust
21:44:02 matt montagne -> Hello John Borst...thatnks for joining us on parents as partners
21:44:24 Lorna -> Hi JOhn welcome
21:44:24 matt montagne -> you can listen in by clicking one of the little speaker icons i the edtechtalk -A channel...the audio will then play in iTunes
21:44:35 PeggyG -> thank you-that makes sense
21:44:57 penny -> self-fufilling prophecy
21:45:36 matt montagne -> kids will still make mistakes even in a highly connected a matter of fact, they might even make more mistakes!
21:46:14 jeannine -> The GPS issue is huge for adults too...big brother is watching us...not just Mom!
21:46:31 matt montagne -> adults make lots of mistakes in a highly connected world, that is for sure...
21:46:35 penny -> @matt it will make them make even bigger mistakes bcs we haven't given them an environment to make small mistakes 
21:47:09 jenwills -> there are so many scary people out there but where do you draw the line??? GPS? on one hand if they aren't doing anything wrong then what do they have to be afraid of?
21:47:49 penny -> @jenwills -- the research doens't really bear that out -- the world is a safe place -- media makes it seem different 
21:48:07 Maria -> Like I said earlier, I have all my kids passwords for all their online stuff and they are ok with it because I've always been honest and upfront with them.  Not that I don't trust them, just sometimes it's what's being said to them
21:48:39 john Borst -> I have a theory that one of the reasons for the popularity of the Webkinz website among young children is because it is one of the few places children can play away from the preying eyes of their parents.
21:48:39 matt montagne -> @penny...and to piggy back off your statement evern further, they'll make more mistakes because we tend not to model the best behavior online or with cell phone manners, etc...
21:48:43 jenwills -> the world is a safe place to a point, Penny we had a pedophile move three blocks away
21:48:53 connie howe-buckler -> careful not to micro manage causes them to go too far the other way
21:49:06 jenwills -> @connie agreed
21:49:13 jenwills -> trust and communication
21:49:21 jenwills -> two things that keep coming up
21:49:23 matt montagne -> @john...inteeresting theory...
21:49:25 penny -> @matt bcs most parents don't know how to model those behaviours
21:49:44 connie howe-buckler -> roots and wings folks that is our job
21:49:47 matt montagne -> @penny...yep, agreed...but hopefully that changes
21:50:05 jenwills -> roots and wings, I like that
21:50:06 LangLabCindy -> @John interesting theory on Webkinz!
21:50:07 matt montagne -> @penny...not just parents, tho...teachers too...and all adults...
21:50:41 jenwills -> parenting community good pint
21:50:48 jenwills -> point(sp)
21:50:49 penny -> @john I think that is part of the pull of all online stuff -- we won't let them out of the house anymore so they are having to find another outlet -- that outlet is the net
21:51:29 john Borst -> if you look at the history of play one of the common charactertics of children's play across all races and time is that play has been what occurs away from parents. It is the private domain of the child. What we have done is invade that space in the real world. We have them over organized, that is not play.
21:51:46 jenwills -> very very good point John
21:51:59 matt montagne -> @penny and john...great thoughts...really good stuff there...
21:52:01 jenwills -> so many fine lines
21:52:40 jenwills -> yay Obama
21:53:26 penny -> kids are social -- I think they would rather socialize in person but we have them so locked down they can't -- for me growing up on the farm isolated it was the phone -- just different tools for different times..
21:54:53 PeggyG -> It will be interesting to see if teens and young adults use Obama's site for adding wishes to his wish list?
21:55:38 jenwills -> its good to see how he is engaging the youth
21:55:53 PeggyG -> Vanessa's perspective has been REALLY helpful!! I can't wait to read her book and blog!
21:56:04 john Borst -> Penny, when you were growing up on the farm where did you play? How much did you interact with your environment. Did you do it in private, using your imagination to name things and explore it? 
21:56:21 jenwills -> Yes thank you Vanessa
21:56:25 LangLabCindy -> Can someone post the link for her blog?
21:56:30 penny -> great job vanessa!!
21:57:04 cindy seibel -> vanessa:
21:57:14 jeannine -> Agree - cracking show!  Even though Vanessa book is aimed at parent of teens, I think I'll go buy it for when the day comes.
21:57:27 PeggyG -> it's more than translation because you choose the points and add your perspective to the understanding.
21:57:34 LangLabCindy -> Thanks!  And yes, great show - good conversation!
21:57:40 penny -> @john -- yup was kicked outside a lot -- but did crave that connection thus the phone (but hard on a party-line)!!
21:57:54 jenwills -> Good Luck Vanessa I will be acquiring your book and checking out your blog
21:58:08 cindy seibel ->
21:58:19 PeggyG -> Vanessa-can we follow you on Twitter?
21:58:44 PeggyG -> outstanding show and conversation!!
21:58:45 penny -> Vanessa -- good point --- it is our job to be parents not friends!
21:58:51 cindy seibel -> twitter - vvanpetten
21:59:11 PeggyG -> Excellent! you have a new fan/friend in me!!! :-)
21:59:37 Lorna ->
22:00:00 matt montagne -> vanessa on twitter
22:00:30 PeggyG -> sounds like that will be a great topic!
22:00:40 penny -> FANTASTIC SHOW!
22:00:48 PeggyG -> Night all! Thanks!
22:01:30 john Borst -> Night, good first time experience
22:01:32 PeggyG -> I love being part of the post show--fly on the wall :-)
22:01:34 JazzyJsMom -> Thanks and good night
22:01:38 matt montagne -> nite all
22:01:50 matt montagne -> thanks to everyone for participating and adding to the content of the show...
22:02:03 matt montagne -> much appreciated...
22:02:09 LangLabCindy -> Thanks, all!
22:02:59 PeggyG -> Does Vanessa know/work with Danah Boyd?
22:03:25 PeggyG -> Danah does such wonderful research on teens and social networking
22:03:58 PeggyG -> she is at Berkeley I think
22:04:55 penny -> she was on the "growing up online" pbs special
22:05:16 PeggyG -> she was featured in DISCOVER magazine with her video/interview
22:06:08 penny -> bye vanessa!
22:06:26 penny -> I answer to either!
22:06:36 PeggyG -> that's when you have to educate them about not clicking on those inappropriate links
22:07:11 penny -> can you zamzar it and then use it?
22:07:54 PeggyG -> Vanessa was an outstanding choice for a guest!
22:08:46 penny -> how is that for modelling?  getting around the system? ;-)
22:09:01 PeggyG -> I'm really enjoying the content posted on the PAP Portal :-) Great stuff!
22:10:37 PeggyG ->  link to Danah's video interview
22:11:40 PeggyG -> I have been to tech conferences where people didn't bring their laptops! Always amazes me!!
22:11:58 matt montagne -> zamzar rocks!
22:12:20 PeggyG -> Yes zamzar is great!
22:12:32 penny -> cool idea cindy!
22:12:51 penny -> maybe if I do a parent nite -- an online treasure hunt would be fun!
22:14:45 PeggyG -> there was a great backchannel presentation on K12online by Scott Snyder--examples of using it in high school--he recommended coveritlive
22:15:46 PeggyG -> you have a great thing going with your student radio show Matt! I loved it!
22:15:57 matt montagne -> I want to see that Peggy...
22:16:01 PeggyG -> even bought the album recommended by your students :-)
22:16:07 matt montagne -> I may share that one with our teachers
22:16:16 matt montagne -> did u really pegggy!!!
22:16:23 matt montagne -> that is so sweet of u 
22:16:28 PeggyG -> it was a very good preso--called backchannelling
22:16:55 PeggyG -> yes--It was fun and some good messages in the music. :-)
22:17:36 matt montagne -> the band called them and told them that people actually bought stuff and they were psyched!
22:17:51 PeggyG -> It was called Fake Hellos, Real Goodbyes :-)
22:18:13 PeggyG -> thanks all! great show and post conversation!
22:18:19 matt montagne -> thanks peggy!
22:18:32 PeggyG -> december 15-yes
22:18:58 penny -> thnks fun dropping in and out -- will have to listen again -- watching kids -- multitasking bye
22:19:05 PeggyG -> no problem - it was my pleasure! bought it through iTunes :-)
22:19:13 Lorna -> you were all so gr8
22:19:16 matt montagne -> thannks agaoin ya'll
22:19:18 Lorna -> what a night in the chat room
22:19:23 Lorna -> nite
22:19:24 PeggyG -> night all
22:19:25 matt montagne -> fun nite!